Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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