Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
