Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
