Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
