He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
