Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
