apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
wow bdsm is so cute
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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