So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
