Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
