R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
