well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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