Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Randomize
