he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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