I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
