So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
