Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
