I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
