So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
