Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
