I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We need to get me chipped asap
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
