At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
