apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
