Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
