The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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