Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
