so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She bit a glass in half.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
