when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
