Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Less talking, more tequila
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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