I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
