Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
