Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
