This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
