"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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