i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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