I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
