a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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