I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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