is wine microwaveable?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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