There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
