dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
