you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
