I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
