I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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