you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
