I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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