FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
