I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
