So drunk its hurt
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
