Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
