Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
