sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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