PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
