she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
