Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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