Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
