My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
