Betty ford says i'm here all night
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
