can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
