Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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