so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
